I'm having a really fucking rough time right now.

I'm fantasizing about razors through flesh, and feeling the burn of it. I want to cut so bad it is tearing me apart.

My apartment is full of negativity. I feel hated, and despised. I don't feel worth anything at all. I feel hated, so I create the hate I feel in the person I think hates me.

I get defensive, and thus attack. So, something that possibly was nothing at all, has been turned into a very big something.

I hate me. I hate who I am and what I do. I hate the life I lead, and the bullshit I put up with silently. I hate the pain I always feel, and the emptiness inside. I hate my mind, my body, and the fact that I don't feel when I should, and feel when I shouldn't.

I honestly hate myself totally and completely. I am nothing but a piece of shit. A waste of life. An agonizing reminder of who you shouldn't be.

Why am I here?
Why do I exist?
What is the fucking point of it all anyway?

I am just the piece of shit that doesn't flush. The scum that coats your dishes when they sit in rank water for too long. I am the dog shit that is dried onto your shoe.

No one wants the shit I am, but they somehow wind up with it, and spend forever trying to figure out how to get rid of me.

No one will ever understand who I truly am. People only see what I want them to. No one knows ME. No one could handle knowing who I was, or what I think of.

She's starting to see what a piece of shit I am. I can see it. It's already started. I used to climb into bed, and she'd cuddle upto me so much that she was practically ontop of me. Lately I climb into bed, and she moves as far away from me as she can get.

I feel hated.

I feel unloved, unwanted, useless, ugly, and fucking hated.

The only thing I seem to be good at is getting ppl off. Maybe I should get it through my head. I was born a whore, and I'll die a whore. Stop with the relationship bullshit, and just sell my body like the rest of them. Maybe I'll get AIDS and die?AIDS funded suicide. Yehaw!

I always look so strong. So happy. So sure of myself. I have to. If I don't they'll see.....they'll know.

I fucking hate myself. I hate who I was, who I am, and who I will be.

Why the fuck am I even here? Why should I even bother with it anymore?

I don't want to live this life anymore. I just can't take it anymore.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014