Internal Movement -> Latest Bitching and Complaining-> Past Bitching and Complaining -> Interesting Comments from People -> ->Bitch me out here! My other diaries! -> My brain farts!-> My Bitching! -> My Fantasies! Szandora.com Free Pic of the Day
|
~Disgust~ Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:39 AM Imagine how I felt when I was chatting with Z, and sent her a mp3 of "Jays music', and she asked for another song, so I put in a cd of "Jays music" to have itunes id a band called Thunder, and have the entire cd of "Jays music" be a cd of theirs recorded in 1995? How did I feel? Fed up, disgusted, stupid, betrayed, embarassed, useless, like a fool, an idiot, a totally too trusing useless piece of shit. Yay. I confront her, she argues it's hers. Lily comes out, says it was J.C. and Jonjo who did it. Funny that. Supposedly they are both dead, and were done in in late 2002/early 2003. BEFORE these songs were supposedly recorded. Nice excuse. I'm not buying it. You see? THIS is why I don't trust. THIS is why I keep to myself. THIS is why I am convinced, and have been since '96 that I will grow old alone. I want nothing to do with this shit anymore. I am sick of it. The entire relationship was built on lies in 2000, why I stayed as long as I did I don't know. Probably because I am weak and just want to be loved. No matter the cost to my heart, or sanity. I can feel my MS acting up now. This shit is pushing me over the edge. I got the email today saying PRPH is going to be deleted off yahoo. I am letting it go. I don't care anymore. I don't want to remember I met her. I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to know she exists. I was played for a fool....AGAIN! I feel no love, only disgust. Disgust towards myself for making excuses for her, and listening to her lies. Disgust in the world for having sick fucks like her in it. And the thought of looking at her, being near her, or having her touch me disgusts me so much it makes me want to vomit. I'm fucking done. Alters doing it or not. After 2003, I won't put up with anything. This was the final straw. I gave her a chance. I said "promise me no more lies" She swore it. Now she argues it wasn't her. Well, perhaps it wasn't. But what the fuck do you expect me to think? HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PUT UP WITH????? I just can't do it. I would rather be alone and miserable. I have porn and a vibrator. Do I really need anything more? Everything else is nothing but bullshit. I think this weekend I am gonna go for a tat. I have been craving it for 3 days. It's time now. IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
 |
