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~Why me?~ Thursday, Feb. 12, 2004 - 3:22 PM Did I ever mention I hate change? Well....alot has changed.......and is still changing. All of my confidence, and security is gone again. Why you ask? Because in a week Jay is going back to England. I know....."but I thought she was there for good this time?" ....ya, so did I. Then she showed up with no money, no visa, and nothing but empty promises and lies. Okay....so that spawned 2 severe fights when she first arrived. We basically worked through it, but the reality is starting to sink in. She is leaving again, and I can see it in her. She has packed up everything as if she is going for good, and she has decided to start a new diary, and transfer all of the shit from taffy77, and sixxsixxsixx into it. She wants it to be anonymous, but open to the public. Which means the world will read how fucked up we are, she will get ppl commenting, and history will repeat itself with online wannaby dykes chatting her up. yay. "I'm just basically writing for me, so whats the point?" Ummm hello? I read it. Glad to know I fucking count. She says I get all fucking mental and cold before she goes. Well, ya I do. But it's fucking shit like this that makes me insecure enough to have fucking nervous breakdowns. Like the one I had 2 nights ago. Cried for 3 hours straight.....and I mean bawled. I fucking lost it, attacked her, then cried so much I fell asleep. When I woke I started to cry again, and I still feel the tears behind my eyes, just waiting to fall out again. She says "2 weeks, and I will be back". Thats nice, last time it was 1 week, and it turned into 7 months. Did I mention I can't live like this anymore? Did I mention that I reached a point in Jan. where I was happier than I had ever been....... Did I mention I was told about a visa that doesn't exist? And in the last couple of days she has been talking to me about drugs non-stop. Now she wants to take some fucking plastic slurpee cup things of mine to sell in the UK, because they would make "The perfecr bong". Ya....great. Yet again I sit here wondering why I am with her, and why I live for years miserable to be happy for a few weeks. Is it really worth it at all? IVY ~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017 |
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