Yes....well....

I have yet again proven myself to be an asshole.

Almost 24 hours ago Jay disappeared. The last contact I got was her saying she was coming. As you can see, she arrived just like all the other times.

I discovered hidden email addys tonight, and ppl who she supposedly isn't interested on things they shouldn't be if she hates them so much.

I'm a fool.

Fuck knows how long she has been living a double life. Fuck knows how many substances she has in her system right now. This isn't a lack of computer. Both of hers work right now. Nope, this is her going off to do whatever with whoever.

Fine.

I needed help today. I needed support. I cried like a fucking baby. Just another major thing in my life that I was left alone to deal with because drugs, and druggies mean more. Either that, or one of the alters hooked up with someone, and is fucking them right now.

I am told to quit cutting why?

Why is it okay for everyone else to hurt me, yet I can't hurt myself for comfort?

Well.....that "I love you" was really heartfelt wasn't it?

Get used to it amber. You are alone, and she is never coming back. When she left, she left for good. You wasted your time, and money.

You disgust me amber. Thinking you could buy her love, and tempt her back. Bravo.

I call her a lying piece of shit, yet I am the bigger liar here. I lie to myself constantly thinking that if I say it enough, maybe it will become true.

She has an entire new life online amber, one you aren't involved in. Get it in your head. It's done. It's over. She kept you around as filler. Just like they all do. They don't want you, she never did. You were there just to fill in the gap until someone else came along.

Fucking stupid!

Fucking idiot!

Fucking loser!

Stupid fucking bitch!

I'm such a worthless asshole.

Well, there you go.

Yet again I held onto something, and got hit with shit for nothing.

I started to freak out tonight. I mean really freak. I emailed her old friend Glen. He has already answered me, and I am getting him to check up on her. I told him her sister died. I am hoping that wasn't a lie.....because if it was, then I will never heal from that one. Glen is a bit upset, and I am apologetic for involving him in this.

But I explained the drug binge, and the lack of contact. He seems to understand.

I feel ill.

I need to lay down.

I need to bleed.

I can't deal with this shit anymore.

IVY

Quiet-Bitch!

~WTF?~ - Saturday, Mar. 25, 2017
~Relaxation~ - Tuesday, Sept. 01, 2015
~The hunt is on.~ - Tuesday, Aug. 04, 2015
~Sometimes~ - Friday, Mar. 21, 2014
~Fawk~ - Tuesday, Jan. 07, 2014